This entire week was full of well every emotion possible hahahaha.

I went on a cruise with my husband.

What did we do? We ATE.
 most of our time there was spent stuffing our faces... ok ok not literally stuffing our faces but we did manage to eat more than we have....

We also got off on Catalina Island and Ensenada. What did we do in those places? WALKED we pretty much did the sight seeing on foot but as for Ensenada its nothing new for us so we walked and bought drinks.... talk about 6beers, 4 shots and 2 giant margaritas all for 20 bucks... not bad at all.

On the ship we played a lil black jack and we drank a lil more, we watched a performance they had called "Shout" which is always nice and we went to a few comedian showings. We danced a lil at the club and and had a lot of good sleep in the room a long with some fun..... ;P...more later

Every time I want to get on here to write I end up side tracked.... But most of the time it's because I have a one year old who is constantly by my side and when he sees e screen his mission is to get my full attention by any means lol... Lke he is doing right now..... He dances, shakes his head, pulls my shirt, says nonononononon a million times and yells mama to the top of his lungs... Climbs on me and then pushes me away from the lap top. Rinse and repeat. So much has happened that Im at a loss for where to start. I'm at a point in my life where church and God have not taken over but have a front row seat in my life. My kids are well I've fallen in love with everything that life has to offer, even the hardships. I won't go into detail but just wanna say that I'm ok. This Friday my Ray is turning six. On the 7thmy youngest turned 1. He knows how to walk but doesn't like to.... He KNOWS heis the baby .....and a comedian.... He is making me crack up at the moment....he whales like the sirens do and makes lil puppy sounds he also raises his hands and says "hallelujah" but with him its aaaallya.... My ray is spelling like a champ and adding and subtracting at all time possible... All in his head no paper no fingers... Which impresses me... Mila is dancing her lil feet off and singing every tune she hears....I show my hub affection like I've never done before and he responds better in every situation we have.

I won't ask you to be perfect,
I know you'll never be,
With all your flaws and antics,
I find that you are perfect for me.
When I'm lost and in doubt,
You show strength where I crumble,
When I can't see our path,
You hold me up when I stumble.
You light up my world,
When I get that cuddle and nose kiss,
You're the one I want to be with,
When we are 60, in a cabin, on a rocking chair, wrinkled and gray, living in bliss.

It always seems no matter how hard i try,
I always end up feeling,
Worthless, useless, and unwanted.
Even if i put my life on hold,
I know deep in my being,
Ive done nothing, and im left haunted,
I wanna try,
But dont want to impose,
I need cooperation and get a laugh, (what a crummy sensation,)
I hate to ask,
But can you babysit today?
I have an appt. and its about to take place.
See im trying,
But effort is gone unseen,
When the hand that you need a push from, pulls you back into your seat.

I have some serious social issues.
I'm a big flake when it comes to my friends... sure I try but I don't try my hardest. When it comes to making friends its even harder. Say I'm picking up my son from school. All the parents make a line before the kids get out and pass a clipboard to sign the kids out. All the while the parents mingle amongst themselves. I on the other hand just stand there quietly waiting. I listen to how they talk but I've never really been one to put my two cents unless its asked for or I'm very comfortable with you. When I was taking my son to karate same shit different place. I guess I've dedicated my being to my family for so long its feels weird(good) but still off to go out with friends or to make a date with an old friend and actually go through with it. My friend who is or was my best friend has brought it up to my attention that I don't answer her calls.... ttrue.... but I don't work.... ihate asking for money, my husband doesn't like her and I feel like a moocher if she pays.... I have to find a babysitter.... while all she has to do is make the call and go....to me its just to much effort into one meal that I can spend on my kids instead of myself....ugh...........................I need help with myself.... (I am the king((queen)) of excuses)